Well, I'll tell yall....that's me. Gangsta Numero Uno, Souf Central's Finest, Gangbanger Extraordinaire, or Supa Crip, if you will. Read some more about me below. Or don't...Or do...Or -- I dunno...do what you want, muh'fucka.
Well, bottom line, I created this site to find my son. Word on the street is that he is gangbanging his life away. Now, don't get me wrong, gangbanging is awesome, and trust me, it can be loads of fun. But I'm sorry, he is just too young to start. I think he is about 10. Or, maybe 12. I don't know, let's just say he is 10ish. 10ish is too young to start.
Anyhoo, to keep things interesting, I also review albums, conduct interviews, and from time to time, I even divulge the steps to some of my most sacred dance moves. So, pay attention, and you just might learn sumthin.
My son, you assholes. Actually, in all seriousness, shitboy has been missing for a couple months or so. I've been locked up in the Jig House practically his entire life, so I don't know much about him. All I've learned is...his friends call him Boy Crusty, he is a total thief, and he almost always has dried snot around his nostrils. Now, in my opinion, that is just fucking disgusting. Actually, it really pisses me off. When I find this little South Central dirtbag, first I'm going to washcloth his nose...then, I'm gonna Thug Life him right in the face for punishment. Knuckle Sammich to the lips.
- I tend to overuse the comma (,). Most likely because I never really finished high school and I don't like to read books. Even while I was in prison, I never read a book. Some of the other inmates nick named me Ricky Retardo, but those were just jokes I think.
- Sometimes I find it difficult to reach the apostrophe key ('), so it will often be missing.
- I flat out have no idea how or when to use the semi colon (;), so it will either be used totally; incorrectly, or used in the we;rdest places.
- I...LOVE...CEREALS. All kinds. I learned about them in prison, and I think they are fucking awesome.
- And kittens too. I think they are clean companions, and beautiful bundles of joy, even when totally ignored. I've had like 30. The cool shit about it is that none of them ever really died. They just kinda like, disappeared or something.
- I love to dance. Actually, I usually create a new move for every weekend. Here is an example: The move I'm about to hit ya'll with was created in 2002. It's called, "The Machine Clap". You start with your feet waist length apart. When the beat kicks in, start bobbing your head and quickly bend your legs at a 45° angle. But, don't go too far down or you'll have an accident. Next, slam your knees together and swing them back and forth. Do it as hard and as fast as you can without hurting yourself. Simultaneously, point one arm towards Pluto and the other towards Venus. Imagine Bob Barker just called you on down, and shake them as vigorously as you can. But, be careful! Staying on beat is crucial. If done correctly, you will rock the fucking party. Guaranteed.
Note: If you care about your Reeboks, keep a fire extinguisher handy, because if done right, they will surely be smoking.
- I one time beat a man till he whizzed his pants. I know that sounds rather jerkish, but fuck it. Dog was breaking into my car. I mean, c'mon, cousin. I'm O.G. Bobby Johnson. He was deadmeat and he knew it. I let my hands do the talking, Souf Central style. I grabbed him by the collar, picked his head up, and said, "Listen up, punk!" Then, I fist-spoke to the dude's head, neck, and chest. After it was over, I apologized, but gave him an extra Converse to the bladder for punishment. According to him, he was planning on urinating anyway. Yea fucking right.
I'm very racist.
Generalizing and stereotyping people can save tons of time. But, don't worry, I don't only single out dirty rat white people...I have a whole list. I hate any black person with a ghetto name (Tradeesha), or from Baltimore, any asian that's dined on dog, the suicide bombers that work at the kabob restaurant down the street, and finally, messicans. Well not all messicans. Just the ones in Pelican Bay State Prison. Those fuckers control all the damn water fountains. I be thirsty in that bitch sometimes. Anyway, the point is, I hate all these groups equally.
Gary Coleman and Mr. T are my favorite people ever. Period.
- I sometimes have trouble spelling the word,
- There is some fucking cool ass gangsta shit coming soon in my corner sto'. Check back.
- If you're brain is lost, check the glossary, muh'fucka.
Well, thats all I got for yall right now. I'm actually runnin late for a little bit of the tough stuff, but if you'd like to know more, feel free to check out my bio
or hit me up
, aight? I'm out.